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Little Nero’s Pizza Boy Attacked Outside Chicago Home

The pizza boy was also emotionally distressed from the emotional ordeal. “He called me ugly, yellow, and a filthy animal. Plus, the guy was a real cheapskate. Barely left a tip.”



Overnight Millionaire Biff Tannen Opening Casino in Downtown Detroit

The hedonistic haven, named the Pleasure Paradise Hotel and Casino, will be a welcomed economic boost for Detroit, a city Tannen likens to his hometown of Hill Valley.



James Van Der Beek Unearthed in Archaeological Dig

Van Der Beek dusted himself off and headed toward the camp to grab a glass of water, as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Crew members say he slapped a few people on the back, said “thanks, homes,” and walked off. Full Story



Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott Join Forces to Become “Dermot McDermott”

For years, TV and Film fans have mistaken the identities of actors Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott. A modern day “Pullman and Paxton,” these dark-haired leading men are often thought of as interchangeable.

Until now. Click Here For Full Story



TNT Admits To Never Actually Broadcasting the First Half of The Shawshank Redemption

“Most Shawshank fans claim they can watch it from any point and it doesn’t affect the viewing experience,” explained one TNT exec.



Chris Brown Unsure of Who To Punch

Brown stated that it’s “been far too long since [he] laid a haymaker into the body of a woman” and would settle for any girl who “knew the deal.”



Analysts Predict Centaurs Will Replace Vampires as Next Tween Craze

“Look, it’s simple: little girls love ponies and women love bare-chested men, so it follows that centaurs skew young adolescent,” said one analyst. “This thing is going to hit them right in their sweet spot.”



Olsen Twins Long For Days When Perverts Anxiously Awaited Their 18th Birthday



Hipsters Ironically Boycott Where The Wild Things Are

“I won’t see this movie no matter how much they cater it to me,” said one hipster. “It’s why I don’t shop at Urban Outfitters.”



Last Remaining Heroes Fan Raves About Lesbian Kiss To Nobody In Particular

“There are no other fans left for him to talk to about this,” said the fan’s wife. “I’m starting to think he’s just putting the phone up to his ear but not actually dialing anyone.”