The Hollywood Ham: Mr. McConaughey, thanks for joining us.

Matthew McConaughey: Well, alright.

HH: So I see that you’re working — Wait, are you taking off your shirt?

MM: I cannot and will not wait to take off my shirt.

HH: We had a hard time getting you in for an interview.

MM: I’m a hard man to get a hold of.

HH: Be that as it may, it’s mostly because our contact info was wrong. We had no idea how to spell your last name.

MM: C’mon bro, that’s no excuse. Even I have no idea how to spell my last name. I end up putting down “McCawnahay” or Maccaunoghey.”

HH: So what do you put on official forms?

MM: I usually just write “Matty Mac.”

HH: Interesting. When was the last you paid any taxes?

MM: Matthew McConauwhatsit pays no taxes. Matty Mac, however, owes the government a lot of money.

HH: Isn’t that troublesome?

MM: That’s the genius of it. He only exists on paper.

HH: Can you please put your shirt back on?

MM: No.